<- back to blog

I Don't Care Who's Watching

That's a lie,

I need the numbers

how many clicks and scrolls

how far each person reads

whether they like it, whether they like me

I need the value of my thoughts

of my skills

of myself

said back to me every day

graphed out, averaged, and proven


It is only through this that I can




I have to appeal to the onslaughts

stay true to my own thoughts

and gather, collect, and report my success


It is only through the validation of others that I know my work is good

but it is not through you, rather the royal you, all viewers quickly clicking to get their quick fix before moving on




It is through catching the algorithm that my ideas can have worth

that I can have worth

that I can succeed.


Every idea must be battle tested, new and unique, and more of the same

Spontaneity, Sincerity, Skill, and Speed must work in harmony

but I can't do it anymore


I need to move away from it

towards community

towards friendship

towards growth

because despite the constant shifts in tastes, styles, and individuals

the algorithm is static, unchanging, and bland.

The people around me have ideas that transcend the trends and will grow and surpass the ability to be classified

I want to be more like them


Writing in a place that can't tell me the number of seconds someone spent thinking about me is agony

at first

but then I grow and create, in my town time, in my own place, for myself

And it is through this that I am able to



and succeed

on my own terms


this is my first time writing anything like this, I won't know how many people see it, but I want to know how you felt reading it. Reach out to me if you want.

follow me on the fediverse